I send goodies to my deployed husband as often as I can. His favorite things to receive are Green Mountain Coffee and drawings by the kids. I noticed a strange feeling when filling up the last box.
I was jealous.
It occurred to me that the next time the contents of the box were handled, it would be by him. He would be the one reading the letters and laughing over the pictures the boys had drawn. He would be the one breathing in the scent of coffee. I felt connected to coffee like never before (and I do love my coffee!). He would be the next person to hold all this in his hands.
I wanted to be the thing he held in his hands. I wanted to curl myself into a ball and join the contents of that box on their journey overseas.
Deployment has conjured up many emotions. Being jealous of a box was one I certainly didn't see coming.
Tasha Lehman is a mother of three boys living in Vermont. Her husband, Matt, is a first lieutenant in the Vermont Air National Guard who recently headed overseas for his first deployment. The “Home Front: Diaries of a Vermont military family” series chronicles their journey. Read more about their story in February’s “Use Your Words” essay.